How to Not Be Crippled By Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety is a concept that transcends all domains. All fields. And all industries.

Every person can experience performance anxiety to some degree or another. When I think of performance anxiety, I think of tensing up while doing something we love. I think of fear blinding our vision, blocking our talent and turning down our heat. I typically think of performance anxiety when I think of actors, athletes, models and entertainers. However, it also exists among high achieving professionals, creative entrepreneurs and more. Much pressure weighs on the minds of business owners, start-up founders and CEO’s. I’m in no way diminishing the anxiety that stay-at-home parents or teachers face. Most, if not all of us are expected to “show up” in certain ways and meet expectations asked of us in our lives.

So, what is it?

According to Mirriam webster dictionary, perform is defined as “to adhere to the terms of: fulfill; carry out, do; or to do in a formal manner or according to prescribed ritual”. Anxiety is defined as “apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill: a state of being anxious; mentally distressing concern or interest; a strong desire sometimes mixed with doubt, fear, or uneasiness”. Performance anxiety is when we’re uneasy about our performance. When we have doubt or fear while carrying something out, usually something we care about. For example, an athlete may experience performance anxiety during a baseball game or figure skating performance. A speaker or CEO may experience it during a presentation or meeting.

Performance anxiety manifests when a person is doing something where expectations are placed on them. They may be getting audited, judged, graded or assessed. Common symptoms of performance anxiety include, anxiety, panic, low self-esteem, confidence issues, fear, doubt, racing thoughts, shortness of breath and rapid heart rate.

It sucks because so much of my work as a therapist is helping people discover their true worth without external accomplishments. What they decide to ground their worth in is up to them. Me, I ground my worth in the fact that I was created by a higher power who created the galaxies, stars, and entire universe. That’s a big deal to me.

YOU define performance for yourself (whether that’s giving a presentation, having dinner with your in laws or talking with neighbors). I think the word “performance” can be subjective. Some feel most comfortable when they’re performing on stage, others don’t. Some people feel like they have to perform with family, others don’t. You see the subject nature of it? But yes, I believe someone can “perform” while staying true to themselves. And we can do really hard things, while nervous and still crush it. Though, sometimes, when there are expectations to meet, it can be hard to feel like our true selves. For example, “make sure you give good eye contact in that interview, say hello to all your party guests, make sure you don’t talk about yourself too much”. Some of these social norms can make it feel like we’re performing and not being our true selves. Can I follow social norms and not feel like I’m performing? Can I follow social norms and still feel like I’m being my true self?

Why does this even matter?

This topic matters because I think people need to become less afraid of their anxiety. It matters because while emotions are valid and important, they aren’t the end all be all. I know, it’s weird to hear a therapist saying that. One thing I learned from one of my mentors is that just because something makes us feel anxious, doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful. I agree with this. As a therapist, it’s odd to state that. Wow, my emotions aren’t the final judge or ruler over my life? No. Our emotions are informative, important and powerful. There are, however principals and order to my life that outweigh my emotions. If we know who we are, what we believe and where we’re going, that gives us an upper hand in deciding what to do with our emotions, how to interpret them and so on.

So, even if we’re feeling anxious while on stage, on the soccer field or during that meeting, if we focus on our values, what’s important to us and on our positive intentions in that experience, it makes the anxiety easier to deal with. Then the anxiety can turn into a sort of adrenaline rush, giving us the excitement and energy we need for that moment. We just don’t want it to go overboard or else we’re outside our optimal window of performance, also known as flow.

Left unchecked…

Left unchecked, performance anxiety creates an interesting relationship with generalized anxiety and depression and can lead to debilitation. I’ve experienced and seen it happen. It can also lead to poor decision making, brain fog and a lack of creativity. Left unchecked, it results in less fulfillment and meaning in our lives.

Finding freedom:

I used to experience performance anxiety whenever I delivered presentations in class. I almost didn’t finish my masters program because my anxiety was so high in general but especially when it was time to present and do what felt like “performing”. How did I get out of it and how do we not get ruled by it? Personally, prayer, therapy and meditation came to the rescue. I’m not afraid to share that my brain chemistry was off off and I needed some help getting it back on track. I started my amazing therapy journey which I’m still on today and prayer is essential to my life.

5 ways to not be crippled by performance anxiety:

1. Understand that anxiety is part of the human existence. I don’t want you living in anxiety but I also don’t want you afraid of it when it comes.

2. Make meaning out of your anxiety. If you are anxious because you care, that’s a good thing, it means…you care! But not being able to breathe, ruminating on “I suck at this” Almost passing out. We gotta throw these thoughts out, come up with counter thoughts for them and do the deeper work to heal from wherever these thoughts came from. We also need to learn grounding techniques to deal with the high physiological arousal. Do you work out? Do you need medication? Do you over caffeinate and under hydrate? All these things contribute to feelings of panic.

3. Remind yourself of your values and the life you’ve been called to live before you do something important to you. There are times when I’m called to speak and because I know my purpose, I know that my words hold value. You’ve been called for a purpose.

4. Go in with the right attitude. If we go into something negative, you’re not going to feel well about yourself. If you go in positive, grateful and with the intention to have fun, do your best or trusting that it’ll work out, you will perform better. Now, this is case dependent, obviously you wouldn’t be having fun if you’re giving a funeral eulogy, but you get the point. Go in with the right intentions (is it to connect to your audience, inspire, have fun, or what?). Whatever it is, people can feel it.

5. Find a relaxation technique like focusing on your breath, a quote or mantra, grounding exercise before you do your thing.

Journal Prompts

1. When do you feel like you're performing? Is this problematic? What thoughts are you thinking when you feel like you're performing? 
2. Do these actions align with your values? Is there another way you can view the situation so you can feel more like your true self?
3. Because something is uncomfortable, does that mean it's not meaningful for you? 

 
"We can't love and fear at the same time. Perfect love removes fear. Fear is debilitating and a life full of fear has not been made complete in love".